apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
