is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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