But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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