fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Randomize
