im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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