Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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