I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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