is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
