Don't make out with my wife yet
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
