Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
