yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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