i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
