wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone came in the potted fern
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
