Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
