Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize