I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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