if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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