listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
