some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
