He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
