"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
