Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
