But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
