i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Couch. On fire.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
