Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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