is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's shark week go big or go home
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
