Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
