guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
