i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
