I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
