She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
