Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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