Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This is my gift to your gina
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
