at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
