i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
