I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
