she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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