i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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