hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
