i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Boobs speak an international language.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
