so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
