I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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