You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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