If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
