Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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