If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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