So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
