i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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