I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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