I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
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You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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