i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
