allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
