worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Text me some of your sweat
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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