he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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