It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
