My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize