Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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