Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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