You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He felt like a one man threesome
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
