you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
