i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
