Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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