I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
