So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
