your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
