You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize