I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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